What to Say?

To those of you who are visiting from Kelly's Korner, welcome!  I'm Julie, mom to 2 boys, and a little girl named Bella.  Bella is our medically complex, special needs child.  Bella is 4, and although she has an impressive list of diagnoses, still does not have a central diagnosis, (despite countless tests, and procedures).  She is non-mobile, nonverbal, suffers from epilepsy, low muscle tone, and the majority of her nutrition is through a G-tube.  She also suffers from an irresistible smile, contagious giggles, and crazy curls.  ;)  Bella recently was accepted into the National Institute of Health's undiagnosed disease program, and will be admitted for a week at the NIH clinical center in November.  Prayers for that week (and for this anxious mama's heart are so appreciated).  :)

I've been absent on this blog for a while, because to be honest, I'm not sure what to write.  Do I bore people by giving updates?  How much information do I share?  Do I write about yet another doctor visit, therapy appointment?  Do I write to much about Bella and not enough about the boys?

I miss writing.  I miss chatting with friends.  Sometimes, I feel as though people aren't really sure what to say to us, for fear of saying the wrong thing. 

You know what? 

I'm not sure most days what you should say either.

Some days, I want to talk about Bella and the challenges we are facing.  Other days, I really just want to get away from it all, and would love nothing more than meaningless conversation about TV shows and the latest fashions.  One hour I'm tired and grumpy from fighting yet another battle with the home care company (how hard is it to send the right box of feeding bags?),  yet in the next hour I'm giddy from a great physical therapy session. 

Confused?  Me too.  How can you know what to say, when I don't even know what I want to hear?  I have found there are some things though that should just be left unsaid (and yes, all of these have been said to me at one time or another).

1.  I don't know how you do it, because I could never do it.  You could.  I promise.  I never in a million years thought I would be the mom to a non-mobile, non-verbal child with significant medical issues.  But I am.  You do what you have to do for the people you love more than anything else in the world. 

2.  God only chooses special parents, and remember he never gives you more than you can handle.  Um, OK.  I promise you, I'm not that special.  I'm just a mom, who loves her little girl more than anything.  What you are not seeing is the sleepless nights, the tears I've cried in the shower, or the displaced anger that I've taken out on my husband and other kids by my snapping and nagging. I do think, that sometimes, God DOES give me more than I can handle. I'm so grateful though, that even when it feels like it's to much, he's never once left my side or left me all alone. 

3.  But she looks so normal!  I can't even begin to write about how much this comment irks me...

4.  She has such an easy life, being pushed around in that stroller all day!  Right.  She does.  I'm sure she would much rather be pushed around in a stroller all day rather than playing, running, and jumping like other little girls her age.

I'd much rather hear words like "I'm praying for you", "How can I help", or even just a simple, "Hi'.

That being said, the truth is, I really appreciate you taking the time to try to connect.  Thank you for including me in a conversation, and not turning your back because you don't know what to say.  Thank you for taking the time to ask me how things are going.  Thank you for not staring at my daughter, without saying a word.  Thank you for understanding that some days are hard, and that we aren't really that different, me and you. If you run into me at our kids school, or at Target, don't be afraid to say hi, or ask how things are going.  I promise I won't hold it against you if you say the wrong thing (even if you say a phrase I've listed here), if you promise to extend grace to me when I'm having a bad day.

 



Even better?  Don't forget about Bella.  The people who take the time to say hi to Bella, who give her a smile, and treat her like any other 4 year old, will always get HUGE brownie points from this mama.

Perspective

It's been far to long since I've posted.

A third birthday, being in the hospital, and going on vacation, were all things that hit me hard this summer. The realization that this isn't just going to go away, and that our life will never be quite the same, put me in a bit of a funk this summer.

Truthfully, some days this all stinks. It stinks that my little girl's EEG looks (in the words of her neurologist, at one of the top hospitals in the country), " highly active and terrible". It stinks that she couldn't even watch fireworks because I was afraid that the constant barrage of lights would stress her already over-stressed brain. It stinks that on a family vacation, Bella couldn't be outside much because heat makes her wilt, plus her seizure meds cause her to be unable to sweat.

It's just not fair.

When you keep thinking about the injustice of it all, a funny thing happens. You become bitter, miserable, and angry. Who wants to be around someone like that? Not me.

That's NOT the person I want to be.

I had a very good friend tell me: "Julie, you need to focus on the CAN DO'S, instead of the cant's. It's amazing what a kick in the rear and a perspective shift can do.

So, I've been trying to focus on what Bella can do. On the things we can do together as a family. On the joy and blessings we do have, and on the progress (while painstakingly slow), we're seeing.

We can go to drive-in movies together as a family.

Bella loved the drive-in!  Pizza, cookies, popcorn and a cozy

nest in the back of the car!

 

She CAN swim with us in the pool for short periods of time.

 

 

I think she might like the pool. :)

 

We can focus on the blessings and joy in life..even in the midst of less than ideal circumstances.  A quote by our pastor the other Sunday really stuck with me, and I put it in my phone as a reminder-

 

"You cannot let your circumstances determine your view of God." -Dwight Mason

 









It's not always easy, but I'm trying.

 

 I promise to blog more, I've missed it!

Here's to focusing more on the "can's", and much less on the "cant's".

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea". (Psalm 46:1, 2 NIV)

Ten things...

Ten  ways you know your life has changed by having a special needs child:

1.You routinely say sentences like "stop using Bella's syringes as a water gun" (For what it's worth the 60cc syringes work much better than any walmart squirt gun), and words like "over-stimulated", "IEP's", "hypomyelination", and "trunk control" are used in normal conversations.  What?  Not everybody uses those words in everyday conversations?  Hmm..interesting.

2.  Your sleep gets interrupted routinely by this:  beep...beep...beep...beep.  (Feeding pumps love nothing better than beeping at 2am).

3.  Packing for vacation means taking 36 cans of pediasure, 20 bags of tubing, extra extension sets, 15 syringes, a binder of medical info, 6 medications, thickener, phone numbers of  the nearest childrens hospital, emergency seizure medications, a spare g tube kit (which you pray like crazy you won't have to use), wine and meds for the momma, and that's only your "cannot forget under any circumstance" list.

4.  You currently have email addresses and cell numbers of your pediatrician and two specialists (with instructions to call if you need them), the really good lab tech gives you her card and tells you to ask for her next time, and employees at the hospital recognize you in the hall when you are there for appointments.

5.  You have no idea what 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep feels like, you can't remember the last date you had with your spouse, and you barely recognize the face looking back at you in the mirror.

6. Some weeks you have more conversations with your child's therapists than you do your own husband.

7.  You would drive 2 hours in icy conditions in a blinding snowstorm to buy melatonin to help your child sleep.  (Oh, yes, I so would).

8. Some of your closest friends are people you haven't ever met in real life...yet. 

9.  You shudder when people cough next to you and your child at the grocery store, and try not to grimace when someone shakes your hand.  You wonder how weird people would think you were if you just carried a box of Clorox wipes with you. Germs=hospital admission.

10.  You never realized how hard this journey would be...but you also never realized how much love you had to give, or how much richer your life would be by this experience.

Anger & Gratitude

Where do I start? 

First, yes, Bella now has a g tube.  She's a little over two weeks post-op, and she's doing much better.  It took about a week for her to recover and for "Bella" to come back...if that makes any sense.  Every illness and surgery takes a little longer for her to recover neurologically.  Which is worrisome..but that's another post for another day.

I get asked a lot "aren't you so glad for the g tube"?  Honestly, NO-I hate it.  I hate that the one thing we still had (eating) has been taken away.  Granted, we still feed her three meals a day, and the tube only supplements at night, but it's still a constant reminder that it's one more thing that makes her different from other two year olds.  It's one more reminder that some things are getting worse, like swallowing. In some ways, I'm grateful.  I'm glad I now have a way to get fluids and nutrients in her safely, and without causing fatigue.  I'm grateful that when Bella's sick, I won't have to worry about dehydration.  But, to be completely truthful, most of the time it just makes me angry.

Anger is a funny thing.  It can take over your life and consume you if you allow it.  I've realized lately (which is one of the reasons I haven't posted in a while), that I'm angry for a lot of different reasons.  I'm angry at everything this unknown disease process has taken from us as a family.  There's so many things we can't do together anymore.  We can't go to church together (there's no class that's appropriate for Bella, and I can't take the risk of her getting sick).  So usually, Craig and I take turns taking the boys. Which stinks.  We can't go to movies together, go bowling, or even watch fireworks together (too much risk of seizures with the flashing lights).  I hate that my boys miss out on so much, because, most of the time, it's just easier for one of us, or both, to stay at home.

I'm angry that I can count on one hand how many dates Craig and I have had over the last year (unless you count the times we went to hospitals/Dr visits together-which I don't).  I'm angry that there's a lot of people who straight up don't get it, and don't care to try.  I'm angry that we easily spend over $700 on gas/medical expenses each month, and we cannot get ahead.  I'm angry my days are now consumed with therapies, phone calls, and Dr visits.

Most of all though?  I'm angry at everything my precious, adorable, girl has had to go through, and all she's missing out on.  It's simply not fair.

See what I mean?  Anger.  It's a powerful, ugly, joy-zapping, force.  If you're still reading this post, bless your heart.  It certainly hasn't been a warm, fuzzy, feel-good post so far.

So..I've decided, with Thanksgiving right around the corner, it's time to get a grip, and get out of this funk.  There's so much to be thankful for, even in the midst of circumstances that aren't ideal.  So..every day I'm going to try to list something positive that I'm thankful/joyful for.  (I'm going to try to blog them every day, but realistically, it may only be 2-3x/wk)!  Life is busy around here!!  I promise to try my best though.

Let's start, shall we?  Today...I'm thankful that I get to spend the day at home.  No appointments, no schedule, just home.  Cozy pants, warm coffee, Bella giggles, and a 6 yr old building a truck out of Lego's.

It doesn't get much better than that, even if I keep stepping on Lego's that Alex dumped all over the living room (those things hurt...)!

I'm hopeful it's going to be a good day...even if the circumstances aren't ideal. (Are any of our  circumstances ever ideal)?

(Image from captured by Kerri photography)

 Happy Monday, friends.  Tell me, what are you thankful for today? 

Plans For The Week

(It's Sunday now...I meant to post this on Tuesday, but got distracted mid-post and it never posted. So here it is...5 days late)!

It's Tuesday...and I'm really, really hoping for a boring, calm week.

No hospitals.

Our own beds.

(Hear that, Miss Bella)?

Last week was a week filled with fevers, dr appts and hospitalizations (yes, again).

I don't have many pictures to share, since my camera died. Well..technically died is probably not the right term...more like, ahem, was killed.

OOPS.

Apparently, you can't dump a whole cup of water in your purse and expect your camera to survive.

Who knew? The hubby was thrilled that his wife was such a moron, genius. I do have pictures uploaded from my mom's camera, and am so tempted to post the picture of my mom driving a 3-wheeler around Pinecraft in Florida, but I'll resist. (Your welcome, mom). I do want you to babysit again for me.

Remember that.

So...here's what we're hoping for this week. A specialist appt in Columbus for the princess, baseball games for the boys, and a chance to catch up on laundry for the momma.

It's the little things. :)

I'll leave you with one of the last pictures I have off the old camera.

A girly weekend trip to IKEA taken a few weeks ago. (Thanks Craig for babysitting).



Thanks girls, for a fun weekend, that I so, so needed.

Finally...Another Post

I apologize for the lack of blogging, but well...I'm tired.

Some weeks are overwhelming, and this is one of them.

What have we been doing the past few weeks?

Let's put it this way: Tylenol, Motrin, feed Bella, repeat. UGH.

Both boys were sick with what we now discovered was influenza B. Yep, ironic since we all had the flu shot.

Thank you Jesus for protecting Bella and not having her get the flu.

I find when I'm not blogging, it's usually because I'm stressed or anxious, or have a million and one thoughts rolling around in my mind.

I've been a teeny, tiny bit anxious this week. I'm worried about Bella's test results, even though I haven't even been able to get the blood work done yet. (So, completely frustrating). It's a long story, but let's just say it involves lots of driving and a complete waste of a day. Basically, the testing we are doing right now is worst-case scenario stuff. Stuff that we're hoping we can rule out, but reading about it gives me a serious case of insomnia and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Wait...maybe that was what I had for dinner.

I digress.

I hate that our life revolves around therapies, dr appts, and developmental goals. Blech.

I'm worried that Bella is having seizures, and what that means. I'm worried every time I feed her, and she gags and chokes. I'm worried what the raspy sound in her chest after eating means. (I probably know what it means, and it's not something the feeding clinic is going to be amused by next week).

I'm grumpy at well-meaning therapists who ask "what new things is Bella doing, and what have you been working on this week?"

Um..well....really, I've been working on making sure that all the kids are breathing, fed, and loved.

Oh, that wasn't one of Bella's therapy goals?

Whoops.

I guess there's always tomorrow.

Because this has been bothering me, I'll post it today, even though I'm late.

The "R" word. YUCK. I hear it in conversations all the time, and it makes me cringe. It's insulting and degrading, even when tossed around in casual conversations.

"Dude, that's retarded".

"I must be retarded to have done that."

"Stop acting so retarded."

Read this.

Think twice.

That's all. :)

Happy Wednesday peeps!!

Favorite Things

I feel this blog has been all pessimistic and gloom & doom as of late, so today I decided to list some of my favorite things of this past week:

1. Dry Shampoo

Now you should know that until this past week I was a washmyhaireveryday kind of girl. Then (cue Hallelujah chorus) I found this cute little bottle by Tresemme.

Seriously...best.thing.ever. Now, every other day the morning routine is much simpler...and I love the way it makes my hair smell.

Did I mention it's only $5 at target?

Sigh...I puffy heart target.

ETA: A few people have asked so I should clarify. I tried the waterless foam for dry/curly hair and loove it (I didn't realize until after I posted that the bottle looks a little different than the picture I posted). It doesn't leave a white residue for me. Hope this helps!

2. A "day off" tomorrow!

Tomorrow...the hubby is babysitting parenting and I get to spend the day with a friend. Eating a hot meal without feeding anyone and wiping up spills. Not worrying about whether I'm spending enough time or doing enough therapy with Bella. No fights with the boys!

Instead I'm planning on adult conversation, starbucks and some shopping. Maybe, I'll even use dry shampoo in the morning. Nothing like living on the edge.

3. Yelling at the boys to "not run in the house".

Yes, you read that right. I was getting so tired of reminding them of this all the time. We've had two snow days and a school delay this week, and we're all tired of winter. Then, I realized how lucky that I CAN yell at the boys to not run. They are able to run, jump, skip, and act crazy. That's a wonderful thing. I hope can't wait until I can yell at Bella for running in the house. Amazing how perspective can change.

4. A sweet, unexpected card in the mail from a friend that they are thinking of us. Some days, I feel all alone and so discouraged. I really can't tell you how much the cards, texts, emails have meant to me the past few weeks.

5. This smile:

Need I say more?

6. A therapist's advice this week. I can't say it the way she said it, but basically-If there wouldn't have been an EEG, we would be so excited and hopeful at the progress Bella is making in therapy. Just because, we have a big, new scary word to add to Bella's chart doesn't mean, well anything different. We're still doing the same things, and BELLA IS STILL MAKING PROGRESS. A new scary word doesn't change any of that.

7. These Guys:

Pj's, bedhead, and all-I love these guys. Even though they exasperate me daily (sometimes hourly). I love being their mom.

That's my list. What are some of your favorite things this week?

Valentines Day

So...I'm tired of having words like epileptic encephalopathy (boo, hiss, yuck) swirl around and around in my brain, zapping my joy and making me an anxious mess. I'm tired of wondering what impact all this will have on my sweet girl and her future/development. Frankly, I'm just tired of being awake at 3am with a thousand unanswered questions and big old panic attack.

Life goes on...whether I'm sleeping at 3am or not. Let's move on too, shall we?

Since Bella was in the hospital on Valentine's day, I was a little bummed she wouldn't get to wear her Valentine's outfit. Hey, there's so much I can't do with Bella, but I CAN buy her cute clothes. Don't judge me.

We did manage to wear it to physical and feeding therapy on Wednesday though. A little over the top for a therapy session, but oh well. The feeding therapist didn't mention the word g-tube one time during Bella's appt, despite her only gaining 3 oz. I'm totally giving credit to the outfit.

Before all the drama with Miss Bella, I had signed up to help with the 2nd grade Valentine's party and bring sweets. (Yes, I do have 2 other children-they just have been a little left out of the blog lately). I really wanted a cute yummy snack to bring. Now, you should know, I am NOT creative. I hate scrapbooking, doing crafts, etc. In fact, just typing the word scrapbooking makes me feel all hot and a little,well, twitchy. Is that a word?!

Thanks to Heather though, I was able to come up with a very easy, creative snack. Cookie lollipops! Thanks, Heather!! They were so simple, and were a hit with the 2nd graders.

Ahh...I can check off "make something instead of cupcakes to class party" off my bucket list now.

Looking back over my pictures of the last few months, I noticed I have very few of Drew and Alex. Whoops.

Here's what I have (someday they will be thrilled to see these): Here's Alex being, well...Alex.

And here's one of Drew sporting a beard and glasses. They were drawn on him with makeup for a challenge in the game "You've got to be kidding." Let's just say, he was not amused.

In fact, I think he may have refused to finish the game. It probably didn't help that his brother thought it was hilarious.

Two of my friends gave me these verses this past week. I love them, and I'm trying to remember their promise:

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"Those who live in the shelter of the most High, will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty." Psalm 91:1.

Thanks, Tammy and JoEllen!

Now, if only I can remember this during my 3am panic attacks...sigh.

I hope you all had a great Valentines day, filled with lots of love, and of course, cookie lollipops. :)

Uncommon Sense: Amsterdam International

Uncommon Sense: Amsterdam International: "To fully get this post, please read (or re-read) Welcome to Holland before starting. Thanks. In the special needs world, there is a p..."

**Click on the link to read the above post first. **

So...I have some thoughts (surprising I know). I've been trying to write this post for a while now, but can't seem to type the right words that explain what I'm trying to say.

The first thing is that I hate the airport. Hate. it. Unfortunately though, I know my way around it well. Some days I may venture out and see a glimpse of a tulip, but far too many days I spend shuffling around the tarmac. Some days I'm not even sure there are exits. It's dark in there, and suffocating, and oh so, so scary. No one in Italy can really relate, and sadly, few try.

Second, the phrase "I don't know how you do it" is never helpful. Guess what? I don't have a choice. That's how. Some days it's all I can do to put one foot in front of the other and breathe. Just breathe is my mantra on the very hard days. Saying "I don't know how you do it" implies that you are there and I am over here. It alienates me from you and your situation, especially when I feel alone enough in the stinking airport the way it is.

Third, not only did we land at the wrong airport, our other kids did also. That's not fair to them. For that reason alone, I will do everything I can to find my way out. To show them that Holland can be beautiful, even if it's nothing any of us expected.

Fourth, there is never a break in the airport/Holland. We never get to go on an airplane and explore Italy or Germany or Belize. This is our life day in and day out. People in Italy can leave Italy, and explore other countries. In Holland, there is no such luxury. I would love for someone to come over and explore Holland with me-even for a few hours.

I have more thoughts, but time is ticking and there are things to do. Thank you for following us on our journey...Holland is scary and unexpected, and a thousand other thoughts I don't have time to write now. Know this-, Bella may be the child that took us on an unexpected detour, but she's absolutely worth it all. She's the little girl I always wanted, and I love her to pieces. Holland in no way defines who she is to me.

We love you little rock star. :)

Making Me Happy

It's been one of those days. I'm tired...oh, so tired, of fighting ridiculous government programs and insurance companies. (Don't get me started).



So...I thought I would make a quick list of some of the things that are making me happy today (cuz it is the season for thanksgiving after all).



1. Finding dinosaurs in my bed when I crawled under the sheets tonight. Love it-and love the blond haired, little five year old that put them there.



2. This dress is making me happy.

Originally 39.50. Picked it up instore for 7.99 The best part? It's still listed as 23.99 online.

SCORE!!! I love a good deal, and love the little girl that will wear this dress.

3. 60 degree weather in November. Need I say more?

4. NO therapy today!!! That is making me all kinds of happy.

Now it's your turn! What's one thing that's making YOU happy today?

Musings

Because this says it better than I ever could:

(Thanks for letting me borrow it Erica).

Many of you I have never even met face to face, but I've searched you out every day. I've looked for you on the internet, on playgrounds and in grocery stores. I've become an expert at identifying you. You are well worn. You are stronger than you ever wanted to be. Your words ring experience, experience you culled with your very heart and soul. You are compassionate beyond the expectations of this world. You are my "sisters."

Yes, you and I, my friend, are sisters in a sorority. A very elite sorority. We are special. Just like any other sorority, we were chosen to be members. Some of us were invited to join immediately, some not for months or even years. Some of us even tried to refuse membership, but to no avail. We were initiated in neurologist's offices and NICU units, in obstetrician's offices, in emergency rooms, and during ultrasounds. We were initiated with somber telephone calls, consultations, evaluations, blood tests, x-rays, MRI films, and heart surgeries.

All of us have one thing in common. One day things were fine. We were pregnant, or we had just given birth, or we were nursing our newborn, or we were playing with our toddler. Yes, one minute everything was fine.

Then, whether it happened in an instant, as it often does, or over the course of a few weeks or months, our entire lives changed. Something wasn't quite right. Then we found ourselves mothers of children with special needs.

We are united, we sisters, regardless of the diversity of our children's special needs. Some of our children undergo chemotherapy. Some need respirators and ventilators. Some are unable to talk, some are unable to walk. Some eat through feeding tubes. Some live in a different world. We do not discriminate against those mothers whose children's needs are not as "special" as our child's. We have mutual respect and empathy for all the women who walk in our shoes.

We are knowledgeable. We have educated ourselves with whatever materials we could find. We know "the" specialists in the field. We know "the" neurologists, "the" hospitals, "the" wonder drugs, "the" treatments. We know "the" tests that need to be done, we know "the" degenerative and progressive diseases and we hold our breath while our children are tested for them.

Without formal education, we could become board certified in neurology, endocrinology, and physiatry. We have taken on our insurance companies and school boards to get what our children need to survive, and to flourish. We have prevailed upon the State to include augmentative communication devices in special education classes and mainstream schools for our children with cerebral palsy. We have labored to prove to insurance companies the medical necessity of gait trainers and other adaptive equipment for our children with spinal cord defects. We have sued municipalities to have our children properly classified so they could receive education and evaluation commensurate with their diagnosis.

We have learned to deal with the rest of the world, even if that means walking away from it. We have tolerated scorn in supermarkets during "tantrums" and gritted our teeth while discipline was advocated by the person behind us on line. We have tolerated inane suggestions and home remedies from well-meaning strangers. We have tolerated mothers of children without special needs complaining about chicken pox and ear infections. We have learned that many of our closest friends can't understand what it's like to be in our sorority, and don't even want to try.

We have our own personal copies of Emily Perl Kingsley's "Welcome to Holland" and Erma Bombeck's "The Special Mother." We keep them by our bedside and read and reread them during our toughest hours. We have coped with holidays. We have found ways to get our physically handicapped children to the neighbors' front doors on Halloween, and we have found ways to help our deaf children form the words, "trick or treat." We have accepted that our children with sensory dysfunction will never wear velvet or lace on Christmas. We have painted a canvas of lights and a blazing Yule log with our words for our blind children. We have pureed turkey on Thanksgiving. We have bought white chocolate bunnies for Easter. And all the while, we have tried to create a festive atmosphere for the rest of our family.

We've gotten up every morning since our journey began wondering how we'd make it through another day, and gone to bed every evening not sure how we did it.
We've mourned the fact that we never got to relax and sip red wine in Italy. We've mourned the fact that our trip to Holland has required much more baggage than we ever imagined when we first visited the travel agent. And we've mourned because we left for the airport without most of the things we needed for the trip.

But we, sisters, we keep the faith always. We never stop believing. Our love for our special children and our belief in all that they will achieve in life knows no bounds. We dream of them scoring touchdowns and extra points and home runs. We visualize them running sprints and marathons. We dream of them planting vegetable seeds, riding horses and chopping down trees. We hear their angelic voices singing Christmas carols. We see their palettes smeared with watercolors, and their fingers flying over ivory keys in a concert hall. We are amazed at the grace of their pirouettes. We never, never stop believing in all they will accomplish as they pass through this world.

But in the meantime, my sisters, the most important thing we do, is hold tight to their little hands as together, we special mothers and our special children, reach for the stars.

-by Maureen K. Higgins

Finally

Seriously??? June 5th is the last time I blogged? Is anyone still checking my blog anymore???

I have a million excuses, but really, all of them are pathetic.

Would anyone believe me if I said we have been without the internet for a week??

Really, I couldn't make our internet problems up if I tried. After finally getting a real live person to come take a look at it, and having him work on it for THREE HOURS last night, I think it's safe to say our internet is working again.

Hopefully I'll be able to post some pics of what we've been up to later tonight. Bella is growing by leaps and bounds and the boys are busy soaking up all the joys of summer. They play hard all day and by evening are filthy and exhausted.

Ahh summertime, how I've missed you.

Our Family

No, I'm not trying to abandon my blog. Yes, Mom, I'll start blogging more regularly again.

I'm trying to figure out how to navigate our new reality of three kids, dirty diapers, bottles, sleepless nights-and blogging.

No, it's really not that bad and I wouldn't have it any other way!

I'm very much a routine person (can we say OCD), and I'm trying to figure out what is the best morning routine for getting a 2 week old fed; a six year old fed, dressed and on the bus; and a three year old fed, happy and not feeling neglected.

I'm giving myself bonus points for getting a shower before noon.

My current tally is zero points, in case you're keeping track.

Here are some random pics of the last several weeks:

Bella's first trip to the doctor at 6 days old.

She looks impressed, doesn't she?

Almost as impressed as her brother:

Notice the change of outfits on Alex: apparently the "stoplight" look of red and green is in.

Goodness gracious, I think I'll be dressing him before his first date.

Before Isabella, there were only boy cousins on both sides of the family.

Here are all the cousins on Craig's side of the family.
Apparently, there were some disgruntled cousins that the streak of all boys was broken.

C'mon boys-it was time to add some pink to the family!

"The Boys"-Adam, Alex, Tyler & Drew

And what happens when you get four boys together for any length of time?

Tackling, wrestling, jumping off things, or a combination of all three of course! No, there's no baby under there.

Craig's parents

In other news around our house look what happens in 75 degree weather when the boys are cold from playing in their little pool:

I have no words.

Sweatshirts, lined pants and mittens.

Let's not forget the baseball helmets.

And those piles of dirt there by the pool? Yep that's what happens when the moneypit pool has a leak in the pipes beneath the concrete.

Needless to say, that's the hubby's Memorial Day project-I'll post more on that later.

I hope you are all having a great weekend!

Things I'm Loving...

Goodness, where does time go? I haven't blogged for over a week???? What in the world!


Here (in no particular order) are some of the things I'm loving right now...


1. My favorite mug filled with steaming, hot coffee

Ironically, I intended to post this several days ago, and after I took the picture I broke the mug. BROKE. My favorite coffee mug! I have to say, coffee has not tasted the same since...but I still decided to put it on my list. I miss you old friend. And now, I need to get a life.

2. The weather.

The day I snapped this picture, it was 54 degrees. The past two days the temperature reached in the mid 70's. Hallelujah! Could spring actually be on the way? Never mind that today the temperature is in the 40's.

The boys have been having a great time playing outside, and I've been having a great time letting them get out all that excess energy that has been stored in their little bodies all winter!

The image of them running around with no shirt and just shorts is priceless. Although I'm not sure what they are going to do when the temperature reaches 80, if they're already taking shirts off at 70 degrees.

3. This pregnancy.

Although, I cannot remember EVER being this tired with the boys, I am trying to savor the home stretch of this pregnancy. I'm trying to enjoy these last weeks of having just the boys and myself at home during the day.

I know it sounds sappy, ok? Spring break is next week, with both children home ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Depending on the fighting, I may be changing my tune! ha ha.

And I'm trying to enjoy being able to sleep all night long without feedings. Not that I'm actually able to sleep all night long anymore, but that's a completely different story...

Never mind the fact that I'm also almost 34 weeks, and this baby is STILL TURNED SIDEWAYS, or the fact that at my last visit my doctor estimated the baby to be around 8lbs. at delivery.

Goodness. I've been having talks with this baby, but judging by how well the other two listened to me, I'm probably out of luck.

4. Friday Night Lights (the TV show).

A friend I reconnected with recently on facebook hooked me on this show. I am now completely addicted.

Thank goodness for Netflix, where I can watch seasons 1 and 2 instantly.

Don't worry, The Office still holds the #1 place in my heart, much to Craig's delight (said with sarcasm). This is the same guy who fills up the DVR with American Logger and Ax Men. Need I say more?

5. These guys.

Goodness, they make me laugh (and make me want to cry sometimes)! They are awfully good at keeping me on my toes!



And see that cute little one on the left? (Alex). He is a master charmer, but exasperates me to no end in the mornings! Honestly, sometimes I think he should have been a girl. He is VERY opinionated on the clothes he wears. He has a whole closet of clothes (most of them Drew's old clothes), but only wears a couple "special" ones. I decided to let him start picking out his own clothes, in order to save myself the headache and frustration.



Oh nooooooooooooo. That caused quite the crisis. Apparently, I need to pick out clothes for him the night before, put them on his chest, so he can decide the next morning those "are not the wight cwothes." Most mornings, his room looks like a hurricane after he has emptied out his pant drawer and pulled about ten shirts off his hangers.



This is the same child that informed me he likes the cheerleaders the best at high school basketball games. "Because they're pretty."



I told you he was a charmer.



A very fashion conscious, well-dressed, charmer at that.

Time Flies

Approximately one year ago:

Six months ago, in early April:





Late June:




Mid-October:




What has happened to my boys? When did they grow up?

I love the ages of the boys and the stages they are in right now. (As soon as I say that though, I'll have an extremely trying day tom!)

I'm trying to soak them all in while I can, but I see them changing every day. Looking back over these pictures the other night really made me realize how much they've grown in a year.

That's not necessarily bad. Thank goodness Alex isn't wearing diapers anymore, and thank heavens Drew is out of the "talking back" phase (for now).

But, for me, it is bittersweet. I want to remember Alex and his cuddles (more on that in a future post), and I want to savor every moment of Drew's cute little smile without his two front teeth.

Really, I just want to freeze time, if only for a little while. I want to cherish the moments and days that my boys think their daddy holds the moon. I want to relish their sticky early morning kisses and their peaceful faces as they sleep.

Most of all, I want to remember how very, very blessed I am.

Shout with joy to the Lord, all the earth! Worship the Lord with gladness. Come before him, singing with joy. Acknowledge that the Lord is God! He made us, and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation.

(Psalm 100, New Living Translation)

Cinderella

Sunday, our church finished up a six week series entitled "One month to live". To say the series was life-changing is an understatement.

For the closing song on Sunday the band performed Steven Curtis Chapman's song Cinderella, accompanied with a dance silhouette.

It was an unbelievable way to end this series. I think I speak for many people in attendance that this song was amazing and powerful. There were few dry eyes leaving the auditorium.

Personally, I know I don't have daughters (yet!), but during this song I kept thinking of relationships I hold dear in my life. I also kept thinking of the Chapman family who lost their four year old daughter shortly after this song was released.

And, I'm pregnant. The hormones are in full overdrive, thank you very much.

I posted the video of the closing song below. I hope it impacts you also!

Cinderella - 2008-10-26 from NewPointe Community Church on Vimeo.

Reality

Back to reality:




Ugg.

*I'm a little embarrassed to be showing this last photo...but I'm all about keeping it real. *

Umm....think I'll go clean up the kitchen now.