Guilt

Guilt...who knew a five letter word could create such havoc in a mother's world?

Yes, currently I have many guilt issues thankyouverymuch.

I'm not sure why I thought I should share them on the internet for everyone to see all my OCD tendencies, but oh well...here goes...

Let's do a list, shall we? We'll call it Julie's guilt list.


1. I feel guilty for not breastfeeding my newborn daughter. There I said it. Yes, yes, yes, and yes I am a (retired for now) nurse. I know breastfeeding is best. I tried with Drew, and he had numerous feeding issues, and Alex I didn't even try. I really wanted to with Isabella, but she had many of the same feeding issues that Drew did, I was experiencing serious sleep deprivation, and the arthritis was flaring up. Yes, I know those are all pathetic excuses, but three days postpartum they seemed like much bigger issues than they do now.

The guilt resurfaced yesterday when after not gaining weight and having bloody stools (loooong story), they switched Bella's formula. I can't help but think if I would have tried harder these issues wouldn't have occurred, we wouldn't be spending an arm and a leg on formula, she would be healthier.....and on and on it goes.

And the guilt saga continues...

2. I feel guilty for the last two nights when Drew has looked at me with his big, brown eyes and said "will you please read me a bedtime story." Without fail, I'm always in the middle of trying to feed his sister. I give him a kiss and assure him that I'll be upstairs as soon as I'm done. What happens? You guessed it, by the time I go upstairs he's asleep and I'm left to pull up his covers, kiss his soft cheek, and put the book he's holding on the bedside table for the next night.

3. I feel guilty that I snapped at the children at breakfast (I can't even remember why). I'm pretty sure there are a million better responses than the one I had.

4. I feel guilty that Alex is having the hardest time adjusting to this new addition. He's "tiwed of everybody coming to see Bewa and wants them to just stay at home." We've had many talks about how in June everybody will be coming to HIS birthday party and bringing presents just for him.

5. I feel guilty that my friend Jeanne brought over about 50 freezer meals for my family. Oh, Jeanne I know we talked about this-I really just wanted to give a shout-out to what an awesome friend you are! Everyone should have a friend that's as thoughtful and giving as Jeanne. Don't forget Jeanne, our pool is yours this summer.

6. There are about 100 other reasons I'm feeling guilty, but really this list is starting to be a downer and I'm tired of my self-made pity party. Let's try a list of what I'm NOT feeling guilty about.

-I'm NOT feeling guilty about the fact that currently I'm choosing to stay at home with the kids. I know that I absolutely, positively am called to stay at home at this point in my life.

-I'm NOT feeling guilty for blogging instead of doing the dishes or starting the laundry. Well, maybe just a little.

-I DON'T feel guilty that I ate a Reese's peanut butter cup for lunch today instead of something healthy.

-I DON'T feel guilty that I love these three kids forever and ever and ever, and to the moon and back (what Alex always says to me):

So, tell me...am I the only one who has guilt issues as a mom? Yes, I know, I'm sure the guilt issues are compounded immensely by a combination of post-pregnancy hormones and sleep deprivation.

And seriously, how many times can I use the word guilt in one blog post???